A Review of A Review: NYT’s Book Review’s “Meet, Play, Love”
In the August 23rd issue of the New York Times Book Review, writer Toni Bentley wrote a front page review of the new anthology Hos, Hookers, Call Girls, and Rent Boys.
While I was more than thrilled to see a sex work anthology given such forward press coverage (especially in an article that promotes such sex work-positive people as Audacia Ray, Annie Sprinkle, and Carol Queen) the coverage itself left me a bit cold. I was happy to see that making the topic "sexy" wasn't Bentley's goal, as most mainstream press seems to promote sex workers with an obnoxious level of "Sex! Drugs! Rock and Roll!"-like decadence, I'm unsure if she succeeds in having much of a topic at all in the end.
Her basic assertion in the review is the following: that everyone pays for sex, in some way or another. Sex workers simply put a specific price on a specific activity, whereas "the rest of the world" pays for sex with dinners, dancing and other "normal" activities. This assertion is neither new nor particularly interesting.
Really, the notion that in a capitalist society, any and all emotions, sensations and experiences are available for purchase, is not exciting to ponder for very long. Bentley quotes writer (and online dominatrix) Sadie Lune as saying "money is the boss's boss," in reference to the fact that capital is the overriding "Dominant" in any sex worker/client situation. Yes, everyone is a slave to something. She follows this quote with her own add-on: "So which is more powerful, money or sex? I forgot." Sounds to me like she's lost her own thread, mid-story.
And while she doesn't play the "sexing it up" card, she does continuously promote the "Us/Them" dichotomy between "normal" people and sex workers, in both the way she approaches the topic and what she talks about as "a parallel universe" of sex workers. She references Soderbergh's The Girlfriend Experience (starring porn star Sasha Grey) and the HBO series Hung as ways in which sex work stories have penetrated (pun intended, to be sure) the average American's experience, but I see this as another mistep by mainstream media to (yet again) forget what's right in front of them: there is no Us/Them. There is only Us. Sex workers are not abnormal people, living outside the norm. They are what sets the norm, so that the norm can exist. And yes, from a legal standpoint, there is a focused discrimination against sex workers and their rights, but nevertheless: every day, in every city in this entire country, someone is engaging in paying for something sexual. It's not abnormal. And if it is abnormal by decree, it's only to reinforce that there has to be an object to have a subject, a freak to have an average.
The most insulting part for me, though, is that Bentley criticizes the editor David Henry Sterry for condescending to the writers by having verbose and (what she deems) overly sentimental introductions to their stories, while she simultaneously condescends to the sex worker community at large in the whole article. This is most pointedly obvious in her ending, in which she declares that "this collection is a wonderful reminder that good writing is not about knowing words, grammar or Faulkner, but having that rare ability to tell the truth, an ability that education and sophistication often serve to conceal." Not only do I not agree with that assertion, but I think the fact that the formally educated and socially informed writers of this anthology deserve a bit better.
The only positive point to this article, for me, is that it puts sex workers on the front page and they aren't getting arrested while being there. The fact that there is even a dialogue occuring about sex workers and their stories and that the New York Times would not only cover that, but push it front page forward, is an exciting step towards generating further conversations about identity that are meaningful and progressive.
NYC, BITCHES!
So I'll be in NYC from the 26th to the 29th of August, playing about and causing trouble. Photoshoots, Scenes, and various forms of Debauchery shall ensue...like this!
Cover of Vault
More details here: Pandora's Box
New Yorkers looking to entertain Me should email me directly. I am constantly in need of amusement, even in the big, bad city of New York!
Gratuitous Ass Photo!
Because Mondays are hard. And for you, they should be even harder...
Wait til you see the vintage archive shoot of this hotness. Have fun at work, sluts!
your Mental Bondage
"What is it about a Mistress that excites you? I'm curious."
"It's the power in their beauty, Mistress. I can't explain it, but beautiful women have always had such control over me..."
He went on to tell me how women, especially his ex wife, had always convinced him that he was unworthy and less than them. How he should do whatever they wanted to. He spoke of his fantasies of being mocked, made inferior and humiliated by superior women, such as Myself.
I began to use my hands and tools on his skin. Soft, fingery floggers. Tactile vampire gloves. My nails. My breath. My touch. I did not restrain him. He was already restrained on his own.
His body vibrated of fear and pain, loss and sadness. I could feel it in every stretch of my fingers. Out of his slavelust came the steady drip sweat of personal shame, the beading up of lost dreams and secret misfortunes.
It wasn't beautiful women who had him imprisoned. It was his own mind that bound him to the belief that he didn't deserve love. And an unloved slave is a sad slave indeed...
"I did not restrain you because you have restrained yourself far better than I ever could."
"Mistress?"
"In order to give yourself to Me, you have to give up the belief that you don't deserve to be taken."
His eyes glistened with something hopeful; he searched my face for more.
As I looked into his eyes, I told him that there is freedom in slavery and in abandoning the weight he carried, he could be free to carry a new weight: the responsibility of slave belonging.
That day, in those moments, the mental bondage began to slip off, knot after knot, piece by piece.
Libertine Ball 2009: A Post Apocalyptic Affair
It's that time of year again! Fetish and Fantasy Abound at the 2009 Libertine Ball, with a post-apocalyptic theme...
Oh look who it is, Bitchface on and all.
I have some very fond memories of the Passional Boutique's Libertine Ball two years ago, when I performed with Lady Lola, in an Age Play-inspired performance with candy chain restraints, a Twizzler flogger, a jawbreaker ballgag, and one Mean Mommy...For those of you who don't remember:
I do love candy.
That happened! Haha!
This year was a bit more low key for me, though just (if not more) fun, since my webslave d. did come along for some playtime beating and equipment carrying!. I went to see the performances of the members of Hanky Code, the queer fetish party in Philadelphia, who performed in the dungeon area: a knife play scene and a piercing play scene: two of my very favorite things!
I also ran into some friends and colleagues: the photographer who shot me for Leg Show Magazine (and writer of Natasha's World), Ms. Jade Vixen, Switch Mistress Kitten, some devoted and lovely slaves of all different sorts (including, but not limited to, piglet and josie!), and of course, the always devious and delicious Michael Diamond and Lady Venus of ErosArtist.com. I shot some photos with both ErosArtist (available online now) and Natasha's World, which will be featured in the next issue of Leg Show.
More comfortable than couch sitting, a slave chair.
Now to the real dirt of the event: at some point in the night d. and I wandered into the dungeon and after restraining him to a rack, we proceeded to a play scene involving a healthy dose of cock and ball flogging, tease and denial, and a little bit mean, clean cropping. Mmm. Delicious.
After all that, I was spent and d. and I went a did some terrible late night meat eating. Nothing like some steak to top off a decadent evening of fun...
Ms. Astrid’s Top Five Movie Sex Scenes (With No Sex in Them)
I have recently isolated a very particular habit of mine, which I would like to share with you: I am a cult film fetishist. Not in the traditional, nerdy sense, though (Ok, well, maybe a taaaad nerdy): I fetishize the specific moods or perversions that present themselves in movies. They are oftentimes not accompanied by any actual sex. Mind you, like most fetishes, they occur to me without reason or political correctness; they are simply things that I eroticize and fantasize about. So if you are easily offended (which I imagine, if you are reading my blog at all, you can't be), read no further. Or just skip #2, in particular. That one is a doozy.
Here we go!
Pussy Wagon, anyone?
5. Kill Bill I: The Toe Twitching Scene
Now, mind you, the scene in which precedes this one - the one where Uma Thurman's character bashes in the head of the rapist nurse's aide - is in and of itself, well, pretty damn hot. Women's revenge, etc. And I haven't even gotten to the fact that there are multiple woman-on-woman fight scene in this film that are also very hot, in the traditional lesbionic sense. But for anyone who enjoys a little toe play (which I clearly do, as does Quentin Tarantino, if his filmography tells us anything), watching a woman get her nerves back quite literally from the toe up is pretty hot. And Uma Thurman's toes aren't even that cute! Well played, Tarantino, well played.
4. Body Heat: The Bomb Building Scene
This movie is filled with sex, but if there's one scene I've watched over and over again, it's definitely the one where Mickey Rourke's character teaches William Hurt how to build a bomb. Not only does he manage to make singing along to Bob Seger look hot, but he mythologizes the whole idea of criminality: that it happens in a moment, not just in the mind of the desired criminal. To quote the fabulous Mr. Rourke, "Anytime you try a decent crime, you got 50 ways you can fuck up. Think of 25 of them and you're a genius. And you ain't no genius." Spoken like a true bad boy, Mr. Rourke.
Ready when you are, Doc.
3. Silence of the Lambs: The Murder of the Two Officers
Just the Goldberg Variations playing in the background is enough to get me going. Throw in a billy club, some blood on the face, and the mention of extra rare lamp chops and you've got my full attention. So many great lines in this film, but it all leads up to this scene for me: the audience finally gets to see what kind of monster they've been observing. And what seductive quality that waiting has...
The Choosing of the Maid
2. Schindler's List: The Love of the Jewish Maid
Now, hear me out. I bawl through the end of Schindler's List just like everyone else, but nevertheless: there is an undeniable chemistry and force that occurs between Ralph Fiennes' character (a Nazi) and his slave maid (a Jew imprisoned in his camp). Not unlike The Night Porter, but since there is more sex in that film, I digress...There is one particular scene in which they link eyes and appear to say (nonverbally) to one another "In a different time, this would be love. And s&m love, to boot." Then he freaks out and beats her up brutally, severing their connection for his own peace of mind.
Undeniably, a movie you shouldn't fetishize - but it feels damn good!
The Final Throws...
1. Perfume: THE ENTIRE MOVIE
Two plus hours of fetishes of the scent: the flesh, the skin, the hair, the sweat, and the PERFUME. It's also one of my favorite books and I think the sexiness of the whole thing comes across perfectly in both. If there was a ultimate film about fetishism, this would well be the strong, strong contender for #1, in My book. And at no point in the film is sex is goal or the motive behind any of it. Indeed, it's the sexiest goal of them all that's at stake: world domination!
And Now, a New Interview…(08.04.09)
Reposted from AltPornStar.com and XPeeps.com...
Ms. Astrid is not new to fetish modeling, femdom, or altporn and she is mixing them all up into her new site SuperModernDomme.com, which is set to be launched in October of 2009. Until now we have heard little info on the site itself or what it will include in the members content but, we have an interview with Ms. Astrid herself on a myriad of subjects, from fetish lifestyle to adult industry and building your own empire of sexual debauchery. More after the jumpoff!
Ms. Astrid has worked with venerable producers, sites, and projects, as well as magazines and print work. $PREAD Magazine, Lazerbunny.com, CrazyBabe.com, ClubDom.com, PopPorn.com and many others.
Tell us a bit about yourself and your background in fetish and alternative modeling…
I began modeling and doing fetish work about 5 years ago. I was interested in experimenting with my sexuality and seeing what the professional sex world had to offer me. If I trace back the history and evolution of my sexuality as a person, I was always attracted to the deviant and perverse, but had no youthful outlet for expressing that. My subsequent career work reflects that of a sexual explorer; I’ve done a variety of different kinds of modeling and video work as a result.
As a performer, what is your goal?
To take the demented and strange and bring it into the modern world as just another piece of a larger puzzle. What’s truly perverted is what we see everyday. I consider my body and my mind to be the tools with which I express my worldview and personal perspective on human sexuality.
How long has it taken you to develop super modern domme, and what has helped to shape the persona?
The SuperModern Domme took one night to research and three years to become. In order to become The SuperModern Domme, I had to firmly and deeply believe in the human being’s ability to manipulate, constrict and contort the world around Her to fit Her personal goals. That takes not only a deep understanding of oneself, but also a strong self-confidence and a defiance in the face of obstacles and opposition.
Sean Adamz of Lazerbunny.com was a huge influence on the formation of the SuperModern Domme concept. He helped me to grow that identity into a fully formed being. Working with him professionally has given me a better perspective on what it means to be self realized as an artist. In terms of personal and historical heroes, I would cite Michelle Aston, Tristan Taormino, and Madison Young.
* Does your role in fetish and alt also have a place in your real life or is it simply a personification of a fantasy?
There is no separation between my identity and that of Mistress Astrid. They live within the same person. Every person is the personification of a fantasy, if they allow themselves to be. That is a choice I have made.
* Tell us about some of the people you have worked with in the past in the fetish industry/community.
My modeling for Lazerbunny.com and Sean Adamz was really the beginning of my creation of myself as a model. Prior to that, I was working for $pread Magazine as a writer, with Audacia Ray and other creative and influential women, too many to list here. Working with Bob Coutler of CrazyBabe.com was a real turning point for me in regard to modeling and self-identification.
Other people I consider friends and colleagues include Kevin Loreaux, Goddess Athena Lourdes, Goddess Starr of Philadelphia (founder of the Hanky Code events), my sub girl Switch Lady Lola, and Michael Diamond of ErosArtist.com.
I am proud to be currently working with Aly Sinclair of ClubAlySinclair.com and Mistress Aurora of NYC.
Tell us about some of the ways you have crossed over into alternative porn and mainstream porn or erotica
Lazerbunny was the beginning of me being a part of the alt porn world, which I had little to no contact with prior. In my younger days, I dabbled in erotic photography and mainstream porn in order to see what benefits it might have for me as an individual. I have found, after many twists and turns, that being in control of your own content and having people around you that you trust and respect is the most “empowering” way of being in the adult industry. Giving that content away for cash never much worked for me, in the long run. Having a growing and evolving thread through your work is far more important to me these days, than mere dabbling.
*What are your thoughts on the separation of fetish and porn and how do you think this effects your view on the adult industry as a whole?
Try as we might, porn and fetish are not divisible objects. They will inevitably overlap. Go to any fetish clips site and the line is clearly blurred, at evey turn.
To expect a clear line is not feasible. When we think of the origins of our own fetishes and desires, we see that they are directly connected to sexual desire and personal fantasy.
Dommes do not like being replaced by pornstars in videos. This is clearly a problem for Dominant women, who consider what they do to be a skill set and not easily replacable. Nevertheless, there are certain kinds of videos that would “diminish” for some the belief in a woman’s dominance or personal dignity, even (such as nude shaving videos or cuckolding scenes).
Like most things, this has to be decided by the individual, then is gradually decided by the larger community what is “right” or “wrong” for a person to do. We all do this and we’re all a part of that judgment structure…
*What can we expect to find when we log into the members area of supermoderndomme.com
A healthy mix of sensual and sadistic fantasies on video and in photos: corporal punishment, foot/boot/leg worship, ballbusting, strap-on training, and loads more.
You can also expect stories about my fantasies and scenes, as well as personal service announcements from me, about society and life in general.
I also plan on doing personal videos for select persons, who desire specific fantasies to be enacted.
Everything will be designed around the SuperModern perspective of taking what’s interesting, exciting and erotic about the world and creating a new world through that filter.
*What are some of the scenes that you really enjoy while making it happen?
Connective scenes where I feel like the other person(s) is/are engaged, motivated, inspired and excited!
* When can we expect supermoderndomme.com to be live on the web accepting memberships?
Hah! Ask my webslave. I am hoping that we are up and running by Oct. 1st at the latest.
* Any final statements on the subject of sexuallity and the internet?
Boobs. I love boobs.
Mistress Astrid Interviewed by Irene Boss (02.08)
And old interview I thought might be worth re-visiting, since I've become more active on this board:
(Transcribed from DomBoss.com)
Fan Art by Slave J. (available for print purchase)
What inspired you to become a Mistress?
- A friend of mine turned me on to foot fetish work when I was in college, but I ended up being more fascinated by the other fetishes people would have at the events. I decided to explore it further and eventually became a mistress of all trades.
What are your favorite activities to explore in a session?
- I LOVE CBT/CBB, maybe because I don't have all that stuff! Roleplays are a lot of fun, especially if the other person is willing to bend and play with the edges of reality and fantasy. I also enjoy sensation play; I love to overload a person's senses and bring them into a whole new mindspace.
What are you looking for in a submissive?
- Someone who is experimental, willing to learn, and willing to follow me down some uncharted paths. Openness is very important to me.
What makes you such a survivor, as well, a conqueror?
- I don't know if I think of myself as either. I am an explorer, just like everyone else.
What things do men most underestimate about women in your opinion?
- Their overall understanding of the world. When a woman is in touch with her self and her surroundings, she can comprehend a great deal of things that exist beyond herself. You should be so lucky to be around such a woman.
What is your description of the ideal and perfect "man?"
- I don't really have one. No one is perfect in my mind. Great men to be around are strong for themselves and those around them, but sensitive enough to recognize small, seemingly unimportant things in life. I think it's pretty tricky to be a man these days; that's why the world needs women!
Do you believe that the BDSM community has progressed in a "positive or negative" direction since you first were introduced to it?
- Neither, really. It's just becoming more acceptable to the mainstream public. Like any mainstreaming, though, that comes with some drawbacks: the rest of the world thinking it can judge something it doesn't really know about. I don't think BDSM will ever be completely acceptable to the average person, but that's kind of the point.
Is there a woman in history that you most admire who was either a ruler OR militant leader? If yes, why so?
- Queen Elizabeth, of course! For her ability to never yield her own person to the will of other.
What about you warrants respect and admiration the most? This can relate with your life as a "Mistress" as well a "Woman."
- I am attentive, considerate, playful, sweet, and charming, inside of session and out.
What things would you like to express about yourself, outside of being a "Domina" that you wish for people to admire also?
- My intelligence, my candor, my world view. I consider myself a very well grounded person.
What are among your other talents in life?
- I'm a writer, an editor, and a model. All my work is my life.
What is a most memorable joyful experience you shall always cherish?
- Traveling the world as a child. It was a great privilege.
If you were granted three wishes in your life, what would they be and why?
- A continued exploration of all BDSM has to offer, the ability to work as a healthy and happy person, and time to ponder the world.
Before we close are there any final words you have, such as news or future events, sites or projects?
- I am in the process of creating my own site, http://www.supermoderndomme.com. I am very excited about it and hope you all check it out!!!
Yodeling Dominatrix?
If it wasn't for Google Alerts, these amazing TV encounters might never occur for me...
Check that cat tail!
Well, she certainly showed her kids what she can do, besides "cleaning clothes and taking care of them."
I think this is HILARIOUS. Yodeling Dominatrix indeed. You've had your fun, now you'll pay the price...in minutes listening to yodeling? You be the judge.
Nudity and The Dominatrix
There is an ongoing discussion, from both inside and outside of the BDSM community, as to whether a dominatrix should or shouldn't be nude in front of Her submissives.
The Ultimate T&D?
Legal issues aside (which are different in each state and vary significantly), can a professional (or even a lifestyle, for that matter) dominatrix be nude and still call herself a Dominant individual? For some, even the slight reveal of a nipple implies a loss of balance, a weakness on the part of the Domme. For these people, the source of the Domme's power is in her lack of revealing elements: the stone-cold barrier that her clothing creates, cutting the submissive off from her sex.
For others, seeing Dommes reveal what lies underneath their clothing is a great tease (still with the denial attached). After all, if you can look at it, but can't touch it, don't you feel a surge of sexual desire? Doesn't it make you want to touch that forbidden nipple even more? When a Domme's pussy sits just over your face to piss on, don't you wonder what those pink lips might feel like on your mouth?
Of course you do. It's only natural to find the flesh of a desirable woman alluring and attractive, whether it's visible to your naked eye or not. But what is the Domme hiding behind her clothing? Is it her protection, or her prison? I would argue that what a Domme wears - how she presents herself, how she envisions her world, and how she frames her image - should be her own decision, not yours. It is not your place to tell your Domme that she should show you her breasts or NOT show you her breasts. In my mind, a Domme who respects herself is one who chooses her boundaries, regardless of what other people tell her her boundaries are. What kind of Domme would you have, if S(s)he was caged in by the laws of others?
I am not a Domme who is caged in by the laws of others. You may see my flesh and never, ever feel it in your unworthy hand. You will be be left only wonder, to sweat pure slavelust, at the thought of what that MIGHT feel like. And you will never know. Doesn't it all just ache to think of it? If you are lucky enough to have a Domme who shows you any part of Her being, Her essence, you should be grateful. And your actions should suggest it. Be proud that you have a Domme that knows what She wants, not what other people tell Her She wants. After all, isn't knowing what you want and what you desire for yourself the source of a truly Dominant nature?
